


Different

by idontgiveaquiznak (punkrockmanpain)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, Keith's first ever testosterone shot, M/M, Medical Shots, Needles, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Character, mlm author, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockmanpain/pseuds/idontgiveaquiznak
Summary: Keith injects testosterone for the first time. Shiro helps him through it.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	Different

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever posted fic that’s not explicit! Wow.
> 
> Shiro can be read as either cis or trans in this fic. Choose your own adventure!
> 
> I wrote this fic before Krolia was introduced, but I still think it works? Shiro and Keith are probably closer in age in this fic than they are in canon, though. They’re also together pre-Kerberos.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, [genovianprince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/genovianprince/pseuds/genovianprince)! You can check him out on Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/genovian_prince).
> 
> I use some vocabulary in this fic that may be unfamiliar. You can look at the end notes if you get confused.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Keith sits on his bed and stares down at the shiny patch amidst the sparse hair on his thigh, evidence of anxiously using sanitizer wipes on his skin over and over just in case. The syringe in his hand, full of testosterone cypionate, trembles. 

“Easy,” Shiro says. “Steady hands.”

“I…” Tears prick at the corners of Keith’s eyes. “I can’t do it. I don’t think I can do it.”

“Hey, it’s okay. This is a big decision. You don’t have to do it.”

“But I want to. I really, really want to.”

“So what’s wrong then?” Shiro asks, brushing Keith’s hair out of his face.

“It’s going to sound stupid.”

“Try me.”

Keith feels the first tear slip out and run down his cheek. It feels like there’s a vise gripping the center of his chest. “I…” He screws his eyes shut. “What if my mom doesn’t recognize me?”

He doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t want to see the look on Shiro’s face. He doesn’t want to see Shiro looking confused or laughing or… God, now he’s crying even more.

“What do you mean?” Shiro asks, stroking Keith’s hair.

“What if...what if she finally comes back, and I don’t look like her child anymore?”

“Oh, Keith,” Shiro says softly as Keith wipes his wrist at his runny nose, feeling disgusting.

“She thought I’m her daughter. Thinks I’m her daughter, still, probably. And someday I won’t look like that person anymore. Because this is going to change my face, and my body. And she might not want me.”

He feels something soft against his nose and finally opens his eyes to see Shiro holding out a tissue, looking at Keith like his heart is breaking for him. “Then again, it’s not like that would be much of a change,” Keith says before blowing his nose.

Shiro says nothing and continues to stroke at his hair, and Keith can’t take the silence. He can’t take feeling this ridiculous. But then Shiro finally clears his throat. 

“Keith, you are always going to look like yourself, no matter what form you take.”

Keith puts the syringe down on the nightstand and sobs.

“Hey, hey.” Shiro puts his hand on Keith’s shoulder and squeezes, keeping him grounded. “If you’re not ready for this, that’s fine. You can start tomorrow or next week or next year or not at all. But don’t stop yourself from doing something that’ll make you happy because you’re afraid of alienating someone who never bothered to get to know you in the first place.”

Keith balls his hands into fists and rubs them at his eyes. “I guess you’re right.”

“So what’re we thinking?” Shiro rubs his hand on Keith’s upper back. “Do you wanna try again tomorrow?”

“No,” Keith says, shaking his head as quiet, angry determination builds within him. “No, I’m gonna do it.”

“Okay,” Shiro says. 

Keith picks up the syringe again and reviews the instructions from the nurse in his head. _Make sure your skin is clean. Turn the needle so the bevel is facing up. Pinch the skin of your thigh before inserting the needle._ He looks down at the patch on his thigh, which isn’t shiny anymore, and panics slightly. Maybe he should wipe it down again just to make sure it’s really clean.

He takes another antibacterial wipe out of the pack and rubs it over the skin, dropping it into the trash can with the other dozen or so he’s used so far. Then he remembers that he wiped his wrist on his nose earlier, and his hands need to be clean, so he sets down the syringe again and rubs hand sanitizer from his nightstand onto them. Then he remembers that you’re not supposed to set down the syringe anywhere before injecting. What if the needle touched something and got contaminated?

“Keith, what are you doing?” Shiro asks as Keith sticks the needle back into the vial of testosterone and starts squeezing the fluid back in.

“I’m getting a different needle,” he says.

“Okay,” Shiro says, rubbing at his back again. Keith appreciates that he doesn’t inquire any further than that. He drops the needle into the sharps box next to the trash can.

It takes forever to draw the T back into another syringe and make sure there are no bubbles. But when he’s finally done, he brings the needle to his thigh, pinches the sanitized patch of skin, and takes a deep breath.

“You can do this,” Shiro says quietly.

Keith nods and pushes it in, quickly because that’s supposed to reduce pain, but it still hurts. And he releases the skin and aspirates, pulling the plunger back to make sure that no blood comes into the syringe. It’s clear.

“Cool, I’m not injecting into a vein,” he murmurs to himself. Then he pushes the plunger in and watches the testosterone inside slowly disappear into his body.

He pulls the needle out and drops it into the sharps box. 

“You did a good job,” Shiro says, offering a band-aid. Keith sees the cartoon cats on it and smiles. 

“Thanks.” 

Shiro kisses his forehead as Keith puts the band-aid on, spreading warmth throughout his skin.

Keith looks down at the sideways cats on his thigh. “I don’t feel any different.”

“Maybe give it more than ten seconds,” Shiro says, smiling.

“Whatever,” Keith says, leaning onto Shiro’s shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> So I think some of my OCD came out into Keith? Whoops.
> 
> **Vocabulary in this drabble:**  
>  * **syringe:** little plastic column that holds a fluid to be injected; usually has a needle at one end to inject the fluid and a plunger at the other end to push the fluid in through the needle  
> * **needle:** the metal stabby part that attaches to a syringe and does the actual injecting  
> * **bevel:** the stabby tip of a needle; not completely flat, should look like a scoop facing upward when turned the right way  
> * **testosterone cypionate:** I don’t know what’s special about this kind or what makes it different from others; it’s just the kind of T I’ve always been prescribed  
> * **aspiration:** an important part of injecting testosterone. You insert the needle, then pull the plunger of the syringe back and check that there’s no blood in there. If there’s blood inside the syringe, that means you are about to inject into a vein. Injecting testosterone into a vein is a very bad idea. Take the needle out and don’t inject there. If the syringe is still clear when you pull the plunger back, you’re good to go. Proceed with the injection.
> 
> I am not a medical professional. Please consult with an actual doctor before injecting hormones into your body. You can read more about self-injecting testosterone [here](https://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/SpinalCordInjuryProgram/IMselfInjectionTesto.pdf).
> 
> As always, comments and kudos give me life! Thank you so much if you decide to leave them. <3
> 
> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/idontgiveaq), [Tumblr](https://idontgiveaquiznak.tumblr.com/), and [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.qa/idontgiveaq) if you want to hang out!


End file.
